OLD DIARIES from Cell Phone

18 May, 2009
Terrible day for me trading. Despite the market being up 22 points, I lost $230. YTD, I am break-even, which is not good. Today's loss as well as last Thursday's loss was due to me betting against GS - the reaking stock has such a strong up-trend. I will stop trading it and focus on more stable stocks.

I am very anxious to get positive results because I cannot afford to go on like this. I have no backup plan and I am not too enthusiastic about getting a job. I need to be more focused because I do not think I am taking it seriously. I need to eat, live and breadth trading. I actually don't think it is that hard; it is just matter of positioning the right amount at the right time.

April 29, 2009
I am getting little nervous abut my financial situation. The main reason is that trading is not going as well as I had expected. In fact, it is quite difficult to make money off trading without taking too much risk.

My current strategy is to earn at least $100K a year which averages $9K a month. If I assume $3K from day then I need $7K from swing. $3K over 20 days in a month amount to $150/day which should not be difficult.

The key issue on any trading is RISK MANAGEMENT i.e. not take excessive risk. The risk reward should be 1-to-5.

The other aspect of trading is when to stop following a BIG WIN. The rule of thumb is $500 day and $10K month.

I also need to look for a job but I have not made any progress. I am still not sure I should take just any job. I deally I would like to get a job that will give me exposure to be a successful investor.

Ideally I would like to be asset trader - buy & sell assets. May be also own cash-cow business.

Part 2
I need to look for a job but I am not sure that's the best way to achive my life-long goal, which is to be a successful investor in the mold of Li Ka-shing rather than a hedge fund manager. By that I mean own a cash-flow rich business and leverage that to expand the business empire. I am not sure if I want to spend life as a professional.

If I were to pursue professional path, the likely route would be to work for buy-side - pension fund, endowment fund, wealth management. The idea is to leveage my background.

Ideally if I can be a successful trader a lot of things will fall into place because it will give me financial flexibility.


April 27, 2009
Not feeling great. I have sinking feeling that this trading thing may not work out despite my deep desire to make it a success. Part of the reason is my trading record thus far, which not that stellar. Part of the reason is I have not been able to develop successful strategy. May be I have not tried hard enough. May be I should be aggressive in swing trading. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I NEED AT LEAST 10K/MONTH TO JUSTIFY WHAT I AM DOING - SAY 3K FROM DAY AND 7K FROM SWING - AND I SHOULD GET THOSE RESULTS MONTHS AFTER MONTHS. DEFINITELY MUCH HARDER.

April 25, 2009
I am starting get little worried about my finance. My concern is that cash out-flow will start big time after August when company-paid health insurance runs out. And in October unemployment insurance runs out. I am not sure if I want to do just any job.

April 18, 2009
Nice day. Had a good run outside and it's time for reflection whiel watching the Manhatten skyline and Hudson river bay.

Called mom and it felt weird. There seems to be a distance. I felt quite sad about it. It seemed like we were strangers. My fear is that if I don't make an effort the distance will only grow. I think I need to find something - a business(?) that will keep us connected. May be I should use lay-off opportunity to do that.

Ideally I want to be in position where I can visit Nepal every dashai. May be I should start an investment fund. I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO SEVERE MY CONNECTION TO NEPAL. IF I HAD PLANNED PROPERLY I WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL-OFF FINANCIALLY BY NOW TO PURSUE THEM. MAY BE I SHOULD PLAN MY CAREER AROUND IT.

April 16, 2009
It is a very nice day - the first this Spring. I am in the Battery Park taking a break from trading. It is really nice with lots of tourists. My mind is somewhere. Today has been a terrible trading day. My $ loss has only been around $100 but all my trades except one has been negative. I have been getting killed by WMT. Hopefully, when I go back things will be better.

I am thinking about the ideal job. It'd like it to be respectable, meaningful, financially rewarding and meet my criteria (no micro-managing boss, flexible, limited travel) but I don't such job exits. IF I CAN MAKE DAY-TRADING WORK IT COULD ACTUALLY BE IDEAL. I could finance small biz on the side and really pursue my passion - NEPALI ECONOMY & INVESTMENT. It may notbe as financially rewarding as working at an investment bank but I will be much happier.

April 14, 2009
I need to seriously think about my career. I do want to give a best shot at day-trading but I do not think it will be viable long-term unless I develop steller track record. . Given my experience thus far I have lot further to go to prove to myself. Ideally, if I can become a successful trader, it will give me lot of financial flexibility to do many other things including enterprenuer ventures. THE MAIN WORRY FOR ME IS THE VOLATILITY OF EARNINGS AND STRESS FROM MISSED OPPORTUNITIES. One of the goals is to maintain emotional balance whether in success or in failure.

End of Day
My short-bet on GS worked as planned but my intra-day trading results are still anemic. Actually I am gaining some confidence on swing trading but I do not want to overplay it. There was bid down-move in financials today but I could not parly on it. I CANNOT LET OPPORTUNITIES LIKE TODAY JUST GO AWAY.


April 13, 2009
Not a good day. First, trading was awful because I panicked and sold when I should have held on. So instead of profits, I had losses. I am not sure if I can actually do trading. I have put a short position on GS because it's EPS is released tomorrow but since it has moved up so much, it is "sell on the news" day. Hope I am not wrong otherwise it will be further sap my confidence.

I really have to figure out strategy for daily trading. At this rate I am not getting there, which is scary.

Frankly speaking, I really want to succed in this BUT WHAT I HAVE FOUND IS THAT MORE STRESSFUL THAN I THOUGHT.

The critical thing missing is still trading strategy.

April 1, 2009
This is the first day of the month and I am not feeling great. Actually it is the same feeling I had yesterday evening. Yesterday, my trades were bad. Moreover, I got stressed by not being able to claim FSA on the last day of eligible period.

Today's trading was also bad. In fact, it was terrible. I missed the morning rally, and in the afternoon could not trade volatility properly. I MUST FIX THIS PROBLEM ASAP BECAUSE I AM GETTING VERY NERVOUS. It has been 3 days since I started trading and none has been a positive day for me. I AM QUITE ANXIOUS TO FIX THIS PROBLEM.

Another very frustating day TRADING!!!

Yesterday was another frustrating day trading. I lost around $160 and with commisions, it will be more like $300, ouch! I had similar loss the day before. I cannot sustain this level of bleeding for long. I am very pessemistic and quite frustrated with my track record day-trading. Looks like instead of November, I will be out by the end of September. If I do not make $1000 in at least one day in September, I will dramatically curtail my trading.

I am not exactly sure how to fix my trading problem. There are several possible reasons,
(a) I am not able to control my emotions. As such I make very poor decisions.
(b) My trading set-up is not working properly. The resistance points and reversal points are not properly identified.
(c) I am not harvesting profits appropriately.
(d) Most importantly, the win-loss ratio is out of whack.

The bottom-line is that I need to see dramatic improvement in my trading record otherwise I am out of the business sooner than later.

Summer is Over! Time for Serious Action

The summer of 2009 is officially over today and my personal situation is as bad as it has ever been. I am not sure what's in store for me in 3 months time because November/December are critical months for me financially - my unemployment runs out in November (I think) and my COBRA subsiday expires in December - but I am ready more than ever for the battle - my own Battle of Buldges.

Psychologically I am more determined than ever to make the best out of my situation. Sometimes I feel that my current situation is a "blessing in disguise" because it gives me flexibility to basically do whatever I want without a baggage. But at other times I feel that it is a serious bump in my career progress. This mixed feeling is coming from the fact that I really feel left out from my peers in terms of career progress. I just heard yesterday, an acquaintance from college (Gaurav Seth) has become a MD at Goldman Sachs - I was like wow! Another (Richard Okello) manages multi-billion dollar fixed income fund. On Nepali side, Pawan (one of best friends) is on the road to riches in the middle east.

The bottom-line is that I have to think about two things. First, what's important (family-friends, finance, Nepal). Second, I need to seriously think about career. I think this experience will probably help me become a better person because it will probably force be to do things I wanted to do but didn't bother to do because I did not have to. If it does not kill, it'll make you strong.