Trading for Living

I don't think I will make much progress in my current job. Basically I am like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered aka laid off in not too distant future. I am almost 50. Finding another job with good career prospect is not going to be easy mainly because I did not make any progress career wise in the past 10 years, so my options will limited, and based on my experience trying to look for a job 10 years ago, not going to be pleasant.

One of the options I am seriously giving thoughts to is Trading for Living. But there also I have serious misgivings. First, my track record over the past 15+ years has been very dismal, although things have improved slightly im the past year. Second, I am worried about losing benefits like health insurance esp. given I have a 12 year old son. Third, I am not sure if this allows me to leverage my education and experience; you really don't need a college degree, let alone an MBA, to day trade. Fourth, and most important, how does it make part a bigger thing or a cause. Ideally, I would like participate in building a cathedral.

Thinking about being a part of a bigger cause, I think, that what I am looking for. Aside from other thongs, this is what is missing from my current job. So the question is what kind of a cathedral do I want to build?

I feel lost?

I feel totally lost. I feel like I moving forward without a sense of direction like a blind man, not knowing where I am heading and why I am following a particular direction. 

The thing that triggered me was the sense that I will be 47 soon soon, and in just 8 years, I will be eligible to withdraw money from my 401(K) and IRA. I realized that I only have $500K in those accounts. Because I converted my $200K 401(K) to IRA in 2009 after I got laid aff, and did not invest properly, my account has not moved beyond $220K, a disastrous record. At a minimum, given how the market has done over that period, should have been at least $500K in that alone. How am I supposed to make up for the lost time. And this weekend I could not stop thinking about me considering investment in AAPL back in 2003-04 when it first came with iPod. Instead of investing in AAPL, I invested in company called Portal Player because it was supplier to Apple. I lost chuck of money when AAPL ended the contract 6 months after I invested - there was lot of insider selling but I ignored those signs. If I had invested in APPL that amount it would been mover $2 million. The I bought apartment in 2003 for $190K, which I sold this hear for $295K. If I had bought similar apartment in Queens, it would have easily doubled or tripled. Another is that I considered buying NFLX when it was $25 back in 2013, if I had done that I would have made at least $200-$300K. Those are the missed opportunities. Then I invested $110K in Carl Manni's women's inner-wear business. I thought since the owners had all the stake in the business and it survived and did even better during 2008-09 financial crisis, it was on a solid footing. Then Sandy hit in 2012 and the owners made disastrous decision to expand retail footprint instead of building their online platform. It went belly-up this year. I did not lose all given I earned interest15% for couple of years and later 6%  interest on $60K (it was a high as $100K), and 6% DY on $50K equity. Still lost $$60K net. 

Then there is my career. What a mess! My salary has not increased in 10 years, and I don't expect to increase in a foreseeable future. Plus I am getting old every day. I don't see to much future in what I am doing. I really think that I have come to the end of my career and it is heading to a slower death. What I really depressed me is where my contemporaries are in their career. 15 years ago, I had thought that I'd be making $500K by now, but that's not happened and it is not going to happen.

Past is past, cannot change it, what's next? The key is health, I need to stay healthy. If my health deteriorates now, then nothing I do will matter. Second, I need to find happiness in what I do. I need to be excited, and I want see doing it for the next 10-15 years minimum. I don't see myself doing what I am dong for next 5 years. I think I will be out of this place by then. 

So what I do I want to do for next 10-15 years? If I want to do business, that's driven by relationships more than anything else. That is not my strength. I am the quite type. I can't sell anything let alone myself. Plus my interest is very esoteric and does not rhyme with popular culture in this country. That means I am not good at making an impression. That's why my career has stuck. Despite my dismal investment performance, I always dreamed of becoming a world class investor but without having to do the mundane day to day task. 

The other area is personal finance. I am very worried about running out of money. Yes, I am interested but it not translate to any viable business. 

I need find a legal way to make $500K-$1M a year.