There are so many ideas and issues playing in my head right now that I am not sure where to start from. That's why I am starting this endeavor. I am hoping that by jotting down the random thoughts that pop into my head on a regular basis, I will be able to see through those haphazard ideas and be able to convert them into a more coherent and practical solutions.
This is not my first rodeo into this endeavor. I have tried it before and each time I had failed to follow-through. I first tried after I got laid off from work in 2008 (
At a Cross Road). I tried again in January 2018 when I was really frustrated with my career and wanted learn to sell through Amazon (
My Amazon Store Diary). I am hoping that I will give continuity this time. Hopefully, in 5-10 or 10-15 years, I will look back at this time and feel good about myself having transcended this confusing (and sometimes stressful) period successfully.
The #1 issue for me at this time is my career or the lack-there-of. I will be hitting 47 in couple of months, and I have never been as pessimistic about my career prospect as I have been now. Basically, I feel really stuck, unable to move either forward or backward. Rhetorically speaking, my career is dying slowly like a crab in a simmering water.
The reason for my pessimism is that my profession has morphed into a dead-end job. I have couple of specific tasks to do daily/weekly/monthly, which I have become very efficient at doing having done it for the past 9 years. After completing those tasks, I am just chilling out, i.e. reading since I am in front of a computer, but not learning new sell-able skills that can improve my career prospect. I can sense my opportunities have dwindled because I have not gotten a call from a headhunter that see my profile on LinkedIn since 2014-15. I have also not touched by resume since then because I have nothing to add.
Aside from the dead-end job, I am not happy with the culture of the team/department. My manager is busy doing his task and managing up. He is never interested in managing the team. Most of the people at my level in other teams are at least 10-15 years younger than me, so can't relate to them. I basically go to work, do my shit and come home. I skip department events including Holiday parties because I am apprehensive about not finding anyone to talk to.
The likelihood of me getting laid off for the 2nd time in the near future (6 month to 1 year) is very high. Since my work is very task-oriented and not as "critical" for the department's success metrics, I am easily replaceable by a cheaper, lower title/position worker. And the department has pursued that strategy to cut costs many times in the past. Moreover, lot of my work is getting automated. The business justification for my position is getting eroded everyday. And there is a looming recession. If and when that hits, banks are the first cull its workforce. They have a plenty of reasons to put my name on the top of the list. To be frank, even if I am laid-off for the 2nd time, I won't miss my work though I will miss steady paycheck, benefits and access to market data.
So what am I supposed to do now?
The way I think is that I still have at least 15-20 years of working life ahead of me assuming I am healthy (more on this topic later). That's a long time, almost half of my professional life. I don't want to be miserable and stressed out for that long - been there, done that. So I want to do something that I am good at, and see myself doing happily for the next 10-15 years while making a steady progress. Just thinking about it, my current job certainly does not offer me that opportunity. Neither will another job that I can possibly get with my limited resume, but I am willing give it a try while also looking for what's possible out there.
