This is my personal journal and I am writing it because I am at a cross-road of my professional life following the first lay-off of my 12-year long career. Cross-road in Chinese has two characters one signifies opportunities and the other risks and the challenge is to pick the "path to opportunities". I want to use this journal to put the array of choices and challenges in front of me in prospective and to help me guide make a wise decision.
Although the journal is on the internet thus on public domain, it actually is not. First it is impossible to find it unless you know its unusual URL. Second, even if you stumble on it accidentally while googling for something else, you won't (I hope) know my identity. Third, I am making it the most boring site on the internet so it does not make an unwarranted invitation. The reason for my writing on a blog format is because I can read, write and edit it from anywhere in the world; you never where I will end on any particular day.
I got laid off from a NYC based investment bank on Dec 10, 2008. I think the time it happened was around 12:20am because I had just gotten back to my desk with my lunch at hand. It was the D-day for lay-offs at the firm following an announcement in the previous week that it had lost more than $2.5 billion in Oct-Nov (Q4 period) and was laying off 5,300 people. Through the morning I had received e-mails from colleagues, some familiar others not, saying that they were "moving on". I had given a high probability of becoming a casualty of the corporate re-structuring so much so that I had prepared my family for the eventuality. When I received a call while I was chowing down my basil-pasta, the voice on the other side was the global head of research (honcho) asking me to come to the 10th floor, I knew my fate was sealed.
I met the honcho and a HR rep in a room. The honcho started giving me the usual lines about the difficulty of making such decision etc etc. I told him that I understand the situation given that I had survived through many rounds of lay-offs and lost many colleagues in the process, and I didn't take it personally (and I really didn't). Then he left the room and I talk to the HR rep about the details. The severance was not as generous as I thought would be although when I later talked to a dear friend he said it was quite generous. The key for me was health insurance and I was assured that I won't have to pay for anything until 9 month following the official termination date which is mid-February i.e. until November 2009. Then I quietly returned to my desk and I don't quite remember whether I finished eating the pasta.
I called my wife but could not reach her and left a message. Tried to call my mom but she was back in the village and the cell phone did not pick up the signal. I called my brother and told him the news and asked him to relay the message to my mom. I called my mom-in-law and told her news also. She was quite devastated. I told my colleague around me and told that it was not a big deal and it may not be a bad thing for me after all. I was pretty jocular given the circumstances because I did not want my colleagues to feel sorry for me (I did not felt sorry for myself). I gave up my company ID card and left the building for the last time.
I headed to my wife's workplace and deliver the news personally. She was surprised but not devastated. She seemed more concerned about me which I found re-refreshing. Then I walked for and hour or so and stopped by couple of bars. Also smoked for the first time in 3-4 years - it felt good but I knew it was only for a day. Talked to a very good friend for an hour half-drunk. Basically I repeated my mantra that I would take this as an opportunity to explore things because my career had basically stalled at my erstwhile firm. I told him the circumstance which could have led to my being laid-off - essentially I was the weakest link in my group. On my way home I grabbed a six-pack and slept drunk.
The next day I started e-mailing friends about my situation. It was time to inform them and also also solicit their support and help in my next gig. Moreover, I had been out of touch with so many of them that it was an excuse for me to re-establish the link. More than ever I realized the importance of personal network. Quite a few of them called me personally and many replied to my e-mail. It led me to set-up informal meetings with them for the next week or so.
The first order of business was to establish some kind of routine to get through the day. Although I did not miss my former employer or my work, I was pretty apprehensive about the future especially given the state of the economy. If I were alone I would have taken it as an opportunity to take a sabbatical but I had a family to support. Before being laid off I had thought about going back to my native land for a month or so. The day after my lay-off I proposed that idea to my wife and she was adamantly against it. Later that day I came around to her view. Given the enormous uncertainty of my situation, I have to start thinking about my next gig asap and once things get settled then I can go back home. Back to the routine-thing, I decided to work out everyday in the morning to break the day - previously I only worked out during the weekends. I will wake up early in the morning to read news, update my blogs, and start the job search or think about the opportunities. In the afternoon, I will try to connect to as many people as possible either by meeting in person or through phone calls. I am already set to see a friend later this afternoon and more next week. Beyond that my schedule is pretty empty.
